Sometimes you just don’t end up with your soul mate … even if you have found eachother. Sometimes, instead, you must create a love that means just as much. It’s something that takes work and is made rather than given. Like anything in life you work for, its something to be proud of.
How Holy you are! How insane to think that you are constantly with us all? A presence in everyones lives all at once and yet, we each share a personal and unique relationship with you! As you know, I recently went in this trip to Vegas “Sin City” as they call it. However it was here that not sin did I find, rather a love I once called mine. The one I’ve talked with you so much about, who fills my journals, who I held paramount. Well it’s been 2 years since we’ve seen each other and it felt like we could just pick up where we left off. It was so comfortable. It felt as if nothing had changed, when in reality, everything had. I have a daughter and have started family. She had been busy as well, building a company from the ground up. Over the years apart, I had wished so much to have another chance with her and finally my prayers were being answered. I felt free. I didn’t have to hold anything back or reserve any feelings or emotion, I just got to be me! But now looking back … who was I being? It was a trip back in time. I was me from when we were dating, not the me who has has begun a family. Not the me who if he disappointed his daughter his world would come down. So I got to asking myself, to asking you Lord, why? Why do you let me feel this way about someone I can never truly be with? I feel like I’m in such a terrible predicament, until I open my devotional and you speak to me. I read a poem that opened my eyes enough to get through this. There was a stanza where the author talked about what he felt as the world crashing down on him; he was worn down and weary. Until he thought of you, carrying the sins of the world on your shoulders, taking them with you into death, and freeing us with your life. God, my problems dull in comparison. You have given me so many blessings, and my worries are nothing compared with others who suffer and struggle throughout their lives. Now I ask of you, give me wisdom to do what is right, strength to persevere through whatever pain I must suffer. Give me grace to emerge from my sins and burdens, and let me embrace Your undying love. Calm me from my fears, dry away my tears, and Lord let me always feel your presence near, because as You know, I need You. Bless those I spoke of tonight Lord, be a shining presence in their lives tonight, let them feel your warmth. In Your most glorious name I pray. Amen.